There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
