the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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