I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
