if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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