I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
