I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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