yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
