lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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