btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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