i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
