How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
