do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
