Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
