3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
