she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
