Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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