Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
