I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
