Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
