Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
