he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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