she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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