So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
