i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
