Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
