I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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