this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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