Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
high people should be assigned attendants
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize