Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
