im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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