i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
