I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
