I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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