God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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