my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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