Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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