i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
