I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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