girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
