what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
