I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
