Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Randomize
