every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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