I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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