First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
