Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
