The brown eye won't let me do that either.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
