May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
