seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
