I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
