I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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