we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
