did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
