Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
