So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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