Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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