well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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