Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
