The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
