Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
