i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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