There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
