Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
