Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
