Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
