worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
