Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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