I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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