You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
