***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
