it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
50% drunk capacity currently
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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