I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
