after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
