I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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