you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
