Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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