My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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