I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole