he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.