Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My penis needs a shock collar
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning