My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants