I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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