he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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