i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
