i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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