I looked at my own cervix.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
