how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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