Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
not ubering you a puppy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
